Under Water

A typhoon is here.  It's probably coming closer to Tokyo as we speak.  The rain drops are unbelievably heavy.

Rain of this magnitude is rather refreshing.  The noise on your umbrella is like a drum roll, loud and stereo surround you.

I remember my high school graduation ceremony.  The rain was falling hard on the auditorium rooftop and it sounded like clapping and applause of a huge crowd. It was exhilarating.

The painting I purchased arrived this morning.  The artist/friend delivered her work in the pouring rain.  The painting is making me want to swim in a lake.

I want to show you the picture of the painting, but I won't, for now.  For one thing, the color is impossible to capture, when the painting is all about color.  Also, I want my guests to look at it first in person.  So, you have to come and see it.  It is really special...at least for me.

New Perspectives

This book was discovered in my bookshelf when I was packing.  The title is "Learn to see the world and Japan at seventeen", but it's really for anyone.  The beginning part is a bit all over the place, though overall it was a great read.  A very realistic and logical deciphering of Islam, Christian, Indian and east Asian religions and Japanese religious beliefs.  It's not a comprehensive overview, but it connected many different dots for me.  I learned many new words, like "冷えさび", which describes the way the traditional arts and literature valued the beauty of cold and frozen winter.  Which is exactly what I like.
I always wonder why Christian religion and culture is so bellicose and hostile.  In many instances in the history, if one of the involved party had been Asian, the war would not have begun. ( I know we have attacked our neighbors and did horrible things, while trying to catch up with strong countries by imitating what they were doing, and there is no excuse for that.  But generally, Japanese people are totally domestic, non aggressive group who would rather stay indifferent of what happens outside of the country.)  The book gave me interesting insights, which legitimacy I am not sure, but became some starting point for me.  I love history.

Productive Weekend

The previous posts were so gloomy, affected by the toothache.  I am totally recovered now. 
I've finally emptied the last box, and my apartment feels more like home - I assembled a wall picture, rearranged books, bought some flowers.
I also finished reading a book, finished a sweater, fixed my macbook (the battery was inflated after 4 years - is that possible?), and did plenty of shopping. 

I really needed to shop.  I was crushed after I had to cancel my vacation plan.  Now that I postponed it to July, I can't use my flight mileage and it will cost me extra $1000.  If you are an Expat, your company will pay huge amount of money wherever you vacation.  So not fair.

But I feel like I am reaching to a new stage, my micro cosmos is probably getting closer to the universe's entrance.  I dreamed about a redemption, a festival, blue moments, and a long journey.

Oh, after today's french lesson, I (as well as my classmates) became most knowledgeable about Baroque interior decorations, especially about the boiseries, the whole history of them. The nerdy details were fascinating. 

A Dream Now Lost

While I was holding my breath not to increase the already unbelievable toothache, my eyes were somewhat blankly following the journey of USS Enterprise.

I watched the 2009 movie 3 times during the weekend, sometimes half asleep.  I couldn't knit because it hurt to move my arms, let alone read.  I wanted to watch something simple and relaxing, some story that I know very well.
As the pain receded I became curious about the old Star Trek series.  I rented the movie 1 ~ 4 on iTunes and watched them all in one breath.
The old movies were surprisingly well made.  The special effects were obviously very low tech, but not corny.  There were many small episodes that lead to the new film, which was a pleasant finding.

The designs of space crafts, items, how the world functions, must have given great amount of thoughts.  It was the future the 60s to 80s people had imagined and dreamed with such great expectations.  Now the reality is revealing itself from behind the curtains, and we are realizing that we are, and should be, very happy to stay on this planet.

The mere USS Enterprise itself has several hundreds of crews, as many shuttles enough to evacuate them all, not to mention food and fuel to support its journey for many months.  This ship is for public peace-keeping, not for-profit.  Even if, in 1000 years from now, we have the technology to build this kind of ship, it's very unthinkable that the world would function that way.  Or will there be a true breakthrough, like computers had come about in this world in the last 60 years?

If the dream is no longer a dream for us, at one point, perhaps we should have a funeral for the lost dream...  It's a little sad.

Birthday!

Last week was my xx-th birthday and was such a wonderful week.  Thank you everyone for your messages, calls, gifts, and above all, your warm wishes.  I feel so blessed!
(above image courtesy of Marie-Claire Idee spring edition (April?))

On the evening of my birthday, my close friend invited me to a piano concert of a small scale, the music was just fantastic, and I totally enjoyed the great company there, except... my teeth started to ache, more so, with some champagne.


I wrote a long paragraph about my horrible toothache experience, but I decided to summarize it in one phrase - it was the worst pain I'd ever had!  It was mainly because I can't take antibiotic medicine (allergic to it).

I've known of my allergy since my childhood, because it caused heart, liver, kidney etc failures when I was 8.  It took me (and my family) a few years to recover to the OK level, and a blessing to live my life nonchalantly was lost forever.
But then, people have some limitations or another, be it financial, ability or family related, etc. So I can't say I am completely unfortunate.  I have a great family who always supports me.  It's just I can't do everything I want to (like volunteering for the disaster relief activities, choose a very challenging job and work like hell, or living in the unsanitary countries to help them rebuild their communities).

If you are healthy and are gifted with talents, please don't waste them.  There are people who are yearning for that health.

On entering the 2nd half of my life, I decided to be more thankful for what I have, what I can do, and to take a better care of myself.  And spend more time with all of you, my dear friends.

French

Oh, let me add one more thing - I still don't know why I am studying French.

These days I started to feel that perhaps it has something to do with my past life.  But then, if I had lived somewhere in the French-speaking countries in my previous life, why am I struggling now?

It does not make sense.

Self Discoveries

Hello everyone!  It's been a while since my last post, and I missed this blog so much.  I am finally been settled, plus, my Macbook (named Alain, if you still remember) miraculously mended itself so that I can blog tonight.

I really wanted to write and communicate with you for 2 reasons.

First of all, as I have mentioned a few weeks ago, I am participating an eCourse called Unraveling.  I have spent a lot of time with myself and with my fellow Unravelers, to unravel layers of myself and my memories, to rediscover myself a little bit.  Because I had been so busy all the while, I haven't been able to do as much exercises I wanted to, but still, it has been a great journey.

Secondly, I have been studying French quite a bit in the last few weeks.  Why this has something to do with blogging?  Because, it has been so SO frustrating!  I can't ask questions during the classes because I don't know how to phase them in French.  I have to keep my head low so that I won't be caught looking blank and helpless by my teachers.  In my entire life, I have never been so helpless during the classes!  I had always been the one to speak up and ask questions, point out mistakes if I find any.
Because it's French, and partly because I am taking an advanced class, I am hanging in the back seat, my both hands tightly holding a rail, knuckles white.  Uggggh.
I WANT TO TALK IN ENGLISH!

These two, Unraveling/self-discovery and French lessons are somewhat inter-related.  I am discovering how deeply I am stuck in an English(/American) culture.  Although I speak Japanese because I live here, my mental world has shifted to English quite a bit, totally behind my back.  Sometimes I can't come up with the right Japanese words, and it's frustrating and uncomfortable.  Adding French to this situation makes my mind more confused and entangled.
I feel disconnected to the immediate world around me, partly because I moved into a new neighborhood, but also because my world is not here.
These days, dealing with numbers feels a lot easier than coping with words.  I think I am in a little trouble here.

Has anyone had this kind of experience?  Would this stage pass soon?

I am knitting so that I can sort myself out.

ごちそう納豆

今日はこれにトライ。トライというほどのものではないですが。刺身とすりゴマ買ってきただけだし。

ほぼ日のウェブサイトより。飯島奈美さんのレシピ大好き。

わたし最近思うことは、意外と食べ物は何でもいいっていうことです。
もちろん美味しいものは好きですよ。でも、スゴく美味しい同じメニューを毎日でも大丈夫。つまり朝は近所の人気ベーカリーで買ったクロワッサンとフルーツ、お昼は焼き魚定食か韓国料理、夜は納豆ご飯。こんなので一週間過ごせちゃう。
ホテルに泊まって朝食バイキングでいつもの２倍食べるなんてこともなくて、普通にコーヒーとクロワッサンと果物（＋サラダかな？）っていう感じ。
夜は大食したくないので、本当はお昼ご飯に凝って料理したいんです。仕事と語学学校行ってたら絶対無理だけどね。

風邪を引いている場合じゃないのに

久しぶりににほんごで。An English subtitle would be - "I'm in trouble."

最近忙しくて、風邪を引いている場合じゃないのです。なのに熱が出てしまって、今日は会社をお休み。ですが、やることが沢山あってせわしなくしている自分がいる。。。もう今日はここいらで一回休みモードに入ります。

荷物の箱詰めを始めました。手近なところで先ずは本から。箱に詰め始めてふと気づく。ソファ脇に積んである小ちゃい山だけで、段ボール一箱分。。。本棚から本を出してみて気づく、本が前後２列に入ってる。。。（笑）今４箱詰めてみて、まだ本家本棚（1.5個）には全く手がつけられていません。こんなに持っていたのか！恐るべし。

ただ、沢山あるという恐れがあるからこそ、これ以上買うのが多少抑えられているので、売って全く減らしても意味が無い気がします。
それに本に囲まれるのは幸せ。
そろそろ図書館がオープンできるかもしれません。ジャンルの広さは誇れます。

仕事も中々忙しいのですが、チャリティセールはやっているし、フランス語は週に４時間（プラス鬼の宿題）だし、歯医者やら食事やら、仕事が終わってもなんか慌ただしい。

Faut pas negliger quelques villages qui sont sacrifiers
- un message que est trouve dans mon ecole de francais
（犠牲になった町を無視するな）というメッセージが学校の裏の陰にひっそり。
ちなみに左は（原子力でライトアップされたエッフェル）。子供が描いた？！

Updates on Yarn Sale

Good evening!  Thanks to the popular demands on hard-to-find yarns from Germany and the US, I was able to raise about $150 in 1 day.  On top of it, I will donate the total amount of shipping charges, too.  I am truly grateful for your support.

My dear yarns have found new loving homes, and they will commence their journeys around the world in the next few days.  Just so exciting.

Inspired by Bakesale for Japan event, I decided to do something on my own.  I will knit hats, totally customized and special ones, on commission bases to raise some fund.  For anyone around the world.   More details soon, but please let me know if you are interested at all.

Have a great Tuesday/Wednesday!

Buy My Yarn!

Update: I have received more than 10 offers (many overlapping) in one night, and half of the yarns have found new loving homes.  Merci beaucoup. 

I decided to sell some of my precious stash for charity to donate to Japan Red Cross.  This is really what I can do.  I thought about selling the knitted things, but I guess nobody would want them..

Shipping within Japan is for free.  These are mostly skinny sock yarn, perfect for spring knitting.  Please follow the link to Ravelry for more information.
(If you are not on Ravelry, still interested in buying Wollmeise and Sundara yarn, please leave comments!)

Thank you!

Window

I am so into Rob Ryan papercuts these days.  I've had his books for some time, but I am looking at them and his blogs again, I am excited all over again.
For one thing, there will be larger walls that I can hang pictures.  I will start collecting pictures.  Wow, I love big white walls.
Then today I realized, it would be really cool to do something like the image above.  I already have an idea and image in my head.

Sakura

If you have a gentle heart to come visit this blog, you've got to be very forgiving for us Japanese to be nuts about sakura (cherry blossoms) every early April.

Illuminated

The Bible of Illuminated Letters

This amazing book became a member of my library several days ago. When I was in pre school, I used to check out all the typeface books from a local library, and tried to learn how to draw proper fonts.  Wish I had this book back then. 
This book helps you draw something like this...

As artists, I know many people try new styles, but I still love those classic styles.  It is interesting that historic styles (Romanesque, Gothic, Neo Classic, etc) in typeface seem to have followed slightly different patterns as in architectural styles.

I am still drawing and above is my first trial of a street scape.  Totally enjoyed it and hope to do it more.  Still.drawing.

Zentangle

Sandy, the author of a book called TotalIy Tangled, and I have met at Squam Art Workshops last September in New Hampshire.  That time, I had no idea what Zentangle was, and I wasn't much into drawing anyway.
Since I started to draw, I feel like to draw all the time, and sometimes, I just want to draw "something", just doodle on paper.  Zentangle is perfect for that.  You'll get something nice to look at, while all you have to do is doodle.

It's called Zentangle for its meditative effect.  You kind of forget everything else while tangling.  I love the simplicity of black and white, too. 

Above are my very first trial, after finally acquiring Sandy's book from Amazon.
You can of course draw these without any reference, but the book gives many pattern examples to help you get started.  Without the reference, I have to design every single step, and that would be too much.  I didn't copy everything, but I used many patterns from the book.  Highly recommended.
(The right hand drawing is my key ring. I bought it a few of month ago, became one of my favorite objects to carry around.)




I think I am a documentation freak.  I don't carry around notebooks (except the sketchbook) nor to-do lists.  This blog is a sort of an "idea central" or arsenal of thoughts for me.  I like to centralize everything so that I can later search.

Hidden in a Yellow Bag

Well, let me explain.  I did not mean to buy another bag.  The same, big and colorful kind, the one big enough to house all my books and cameras, although I swear I did not have a yellow bag yet.
No one has a yellow bag like this.  It's just too cute, besides, the shop only makes less than half a dozen in the same style.

Their only shop that sells women stuffs is in my neighborhood.  The shop attracts me like a magnet, or a flower that attracts bees in the neighborhood.  Everything in the shop is original, peculiar, and crafty.  Like the hook I got (below) together with the bag.

I started reading Thomas Pynchon's Against the Day last night.  Without doubt, it is the most difficult book I've ever read.   In Pynchon's world, one would probably say "strenuous" or "arduous" or "Gargantuan".  After 12 pages, I am starting to get used to it...
Now that I have a perfect bag to hide the immense book.

Unraveling

I am taking an eCourse called Unraveling this spring. (You can find the banner and the link on the right hand side --> ... um, a little down there. )
It's a course designed by an UK photographer Susannah Conway.  If you are a female (it's a women-only course) and moderately comfortable in writing in English, I highly recommend it.
The course is not about taking an amazing photograph, but more about rediscovering yourself and gaining a new way of seeing yourself and your surroundings. Each week, we receive photography and writing assignments, but both are for ourselves, rather than showing them off to the world.
People are taking this course literally from all over the world.  Everyone has a deep well of amazing stories - made me extremely curious about the world we live in.

Around the Boundaries

I stumbled upon this quote through "StumbleUpon" (how did they know I am into quotes these days?) and thought it's a perfect description of this weekend.

So, I went to this performing art event, one of which performers was a friend of mine. He shoots films and takes photos, so performing was new to him. On the other hand, watching such performing art was completely new to me. In some instances, I didn't know whether I should laugh, stay put, or respond to the performances. For me, the whole interactions of people, among the performers, and between the performers and the audiences, were intriguing and interesting.

Today, I went to watch Never Let Me Go with a good friend. The movie was truly and ultra-terrestrially beautiful... and unforgivingly sad. The concept was almost gross, almost. We were both able to watch it to the last, because of its beauty and the magnificent acting.
All in all, it was a great work, and I was glad I did not watch it alone.

Kazuo Ishiguro is a Japanese writer, despite his English upbringing and his writing in English, which makes me proud somehow.

For lunch, we went to a creperie near the theater in Shibuya. They told me they do not allow us to take any photos inside the restaurant. WHY? But I did, anyway.

I actually have drawn for a while at Starbucks afterward - I am still very nervous about drawing in public, but I am pushing the boundary. Thomas Pynchon's book, which, according to my friend, awfully resembles a pillow, is my new challenge.

Lens

I got myself a new lens.  It's not an automatic focus one, but the light is great.  Loving it.
Last night's post helped me sleep, but I hated reading it this morning, so wanted to add something as soon as I can.
A long time friend invited me to his performance tonight, and I am going.  Can't wait.

See the light?

Reflection

A weird day, it was.
I guess today was one of the top 10 weird and bad days since I have grown up.  Things are becoming weirder and weirder, and for this reason, I hate being a grown-up and getting older.  Wrinkles and pains and all that are ok with me so far.
I was going to write all about it, and sure I can, but then I am really making an effort to make this blog a positive space, so I won't.  But let me just say one sentence - I just happened to discover a weirdest thing about my ex-boyfriend and it annoys me so much.
When you find out who you thought your trusted friend to be lacking dignity, it is the worst thing because it reflects back on you. Because you chose the person to be your friend in the first place. 
I don't know if I should feel angry or sad or disappointed or ... glad.

Because I was like this, I bumped into my favorite mug and broke it.

But there were some nice things today. 

For example, I received a letter from a couple whom I sat next to on the plane the other day.  I played with their 1 year old son the whole time, which I enjoyed enormously, but/and they appreciated my gesture.  That was his first flight ever and the parents said they were nervous.  They even sent me the baby's photos, which are so so so adorable, I wish I could show you guys how gorgeous he was.

Lastly, I watched Drew Barrymore film called Whip It! and it was cute also.  The pig below is not my invention, I just drew the very last scene.

When you are older, you have plenty of experiences under your belt and there should be less things to surprise you.  That's the way it should be.  Somehow my life feels emotionally harder these days, I can't help wondering why.