May 11, 2011

Self Discoveries

Hello everyone!  It's been a while since my last post, and I missed this blog so much.  I am finally been settled, plus, my Macbook (named Alain, if you still remember) miraculously mended itself so that I can blog tonight.

I really wanted to write and communicate with you for 2 reasons.

First of all, as I have mentioned a few weeks ago, I am participating an eCourse called Unraveling.  I have spent a lot of time with myself and with my fellow Unravelers, to unravel layers of myself and my memories, to rediscover myself a little bit.  Because I had been so busy all the while, I haven't been able to do as much exercises I wanted to, but still, it has been a great journey.

Secondly, I have been studying French quite a bit in the last few weeks.  Why this has something to do with blogging?  Because, it has been so SO frustrating!  I can't ask questions during the classes because I don't know how to phase them in French.  I have to keep my head low so that I won't be caught looking blank and helpless by my teachers.  In my entire life, I have never been so helpless during the classes!  I had always been the one to speak up and ask questions, point out mistakes if I find any.
Because it's French, and partly because I am taking an advanced class, I am hanging in the back seat, my both hands tightly holding a rail, knuckles white.  Uggggh.
I WANT TO TALK IN ENGLISH!

These two, Unraveling/self-discovery and French lessons are somewhat inter-related.  I am discovering how deeply I am stuck in an English(/American) culture.  Although I speak Japanese because I live here, my mental world has shifted to English quite a bit, totally behind my back.  Sometimes I can't come up with the right Japanese words, and it's frustrating and uncomfortable.  Adding French to this situation makes my mind more confused and entangled.
I feel disconnected to the immediate world around me, partly because I moved into a new neighborhood, but also because my world is not here.
These days, dealing with numbers feels a lot easier than coping with words.  I think I am in a little trouble here.

Has anyone had this kind of experience?  Would this stage pass soon?

I am knitting so that I can sort myself out.

2 comments:

dragonflyreflections said...

I studied French in college, but only at the beginner's level, so I never reached the point where I had to juggle languages.

I soooo admire you for attempting it though. I'm getting so forgetful as I get older! I'd be in REAL trouble if I had a couple of languages floating around my head too!!

Hang in there - you'll make it through!!

hugs,
Kelley

Meri said...

Hi Kelly, sorry that I haven't replied to your comment!
Has your refurbishment project coming along? I envy you for being able to make changes to your house. In Japan, if you are renting a place, you can't even make a tiny tiny hole on your wall with a pushpin!