November 20, 2010

Distrust and Independence

Yes, I made my own business card.  To be precise, it is more of a "contact" card than a business card, but the purpose is the same.

I always feel uneasy about giving my business cards to my friends.  About giving my work email address, while I have no idea until when I will be using that address.  You can reach me through the address for a while, but I don't own it.  No.

Our once-a-year bonus has been postponed for 4 months.  And the company only sent us an email, with very very subtle and unclear indication about it.  Plus, they did an employees' survey just before the bonus announcement came out.

My evaluation about the company and its policies was on a floodplain even before the announcement.  If you had ever looked at my survey score, it was clear that my satisfaction to the team I belong to is fairly high, but my distrust to the company is sky-high.  It is not just about the money, it's about other small things, the way they handle things, and about the way they make it clear that they have no interests in investing on us, including giving us decent PCs and infrastructure.
One more thing, and many of us may probably be done with the company.

The point is, the business card of my own.  I don't mean to quit my job now or anything, but I am not sure if I want to stay.  I think I work hard enough.  It is sad that you can't love the place you spend more than 1/3 of your life.

I love my job itself in a way that I have learned a lot and am still learning.  But I am not in my 20s anymore, I know that life is about learning, but job is not just about learning.  For work, learning should be only a part of it.  I want to take a break from learning and start actually making a difference.

I used to have my own business, and I loved it.  You learn and you make a difference, all at the same time.  No one else is doing it for you.  There are never enough people that no one gets to be territorial.  I really really really miss working for a small company.

5 comments:

Ruchir said...

All I can say about this post is that it is "Straight from the GUT". You just gave meaning to a lot of unfulfilled dreams, compromised desires, unspoken words or hidden emotions. It is almost true to the point even I have been contemplating an idea about having a business card myself. :). More importantly, there are things that I can't share here and I felt that you have subtly written that I endorse completely. You learn to live and live to learn and in the process make a difference. Well said Meri. Kudos!!!

Meri said...

Yey, Ruchir, thank you for your comment.
Well, I am not really subtle about it - big companies' politics and loooong processes and incredulous number of specialists suck.
But I can say this - I am quite fortunate to be able to work with the best talents that our company has.

dragonflyreflections said...

I really try never to say "never" - but I NEVER plan to work for a big company again (once I leave the one I work for NOW anyway). I do know that life is a journey and work is not my life (only a little part of the journey), but one day I sincerely hope to find work that adds real value to my life's journey.

Meri said...

Kelly, I totally agree. But I sometimes wonder whether I will really feel satisfied if I had a creative job. I guess we have to try to find that out.

lau said...

beautiful idea !!! (for the card )

and I guess a lot of good motivated people all over the world currently feel the way you do about their job...

almost everybody I know is thinking about quiting some day