October 21, 2010


I am thankful for a fish in a depth of the sea, which traveled all the way to a supermarket around the corner, so that I can eat for dinner and make up for my bad day.

Today was another bad day.  Not because of the meetings all day (even during lunch hour), but because, oh gosh, we are stuck again.  And I feel so down for so many other reasons, too.

So I needed some fish.  (And I am not a cat.  And do cats eat a lot of fish in the States?  Perhaps it's just in Japan.)

I feel down because my vacation is over,
because I wasted the best part of my 30s,
because I can't spend all my time reading the huge piles of books in my room,
and because there is nothing in my life that I am looking forward to right now.

But then, pain and hardships are sometimes good for us. 

Yesterday, I was watching Grey's Anatomy. There was an episode with a little girl who cannot feel any physical pain from a genetic disorder.  She keeps getting badly injured, and she could not even feel her stomach bleeding internally to the extent that she needed immediate surgery.  Someone said in the end, "We feel pain for a reason."

And I am also reading a book called "Giver".   It's supposed to be a Young Adult fiction, but the theme is so profound that I wonder whether a young kid really understands.
I am still in the middle of it, but the book seems to be about experiencing pains and developing wisdom.

So, in addition to the fish in the water (subsequently at the supermarket), I am also thankful for a life  that doesn't go so well, so that I can learn.

Post Script:
I wanted to add that, one of my ex-boyfriends used to smile everytime things wouldn't go well.  When I asked him why, he simply said "well, it's a new challenge."  I really loved that about him.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for those words. I really needed to read that today.

Shelly said...

Oh Meri, I'm so sorry that you're in a bad spot right now. Sending a great big cyber-hug your way!! You are a beautiful, intelligent and generous person and you deserve to be happy and carefree. I suppose everyone gets the blues now and then though. I hope your blues get chased away soon. (And honey... life begins at 40!)

Meri said...

Thank you both for your comments!

Shelly, you are so sweet! I am already feeling better, and today is a whole new day :D
And yeah, life begins just right now! You know, thinking about our life expectancy, we still have another 40 years to live, and that's a looong time. It makes me feel like I am such an immature and insignificant girl.

Retta said...

I'm glad you are feeling better! When I have one of those days that feels overwhelming or I just feel generally bad I think of Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's:

"Listen...you know those days when you get the mean reds?" --Holly.
"The mean reds? You mean like the blues?" --Fred (Paul).
"No... the blues are because you're getting fat or because it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?" --Holly.
"Sure." --Fred (Paul).
"When I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump into a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away." --Holly.

I think we should all find our own "Tiffany's" :)

I felt the same way while reading The Giver!